Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
