Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
