I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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