Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
