you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
