i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
