Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
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