my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
