I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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