He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
