Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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