the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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