she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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