I must be too annoying 4 u.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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