I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
