a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
