We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
