similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
