What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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