the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
what day is it and did you see me today?
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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