in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I AM VODKA MAN
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Randomize
