So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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