I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize
