The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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