It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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