it was like his penis was on wheels.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
