I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
