You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
We are two peas in an std pod
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
