i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize
