i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
