Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
