you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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