I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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