the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
