Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize
