and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
