I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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