Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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