K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
