Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
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