my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Dick very happy bro
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
