I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
