I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
