Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
