you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Randomize
