This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
