How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
