I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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