I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Randomize
