Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
vagina is talking i cant
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
