dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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