Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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