He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
