The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Randomize
