I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
