Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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