addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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