I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
