So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
