I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
