remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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