I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
