Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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