I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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