All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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