Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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