he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Randomize